From Behind The Chair

Rethinking Dating: The Seasonal Approach

• Cory Wallace • Episode 2

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Have you ever considered dating as a seasonal process before choosing your life partner? Brace yourself for a profound exploration of why it's essential to experience all four seasons - spring, summer, autumn, and winter - with your potential spouse before taking the plunge. As we navigate through this intriguing concept, you'll understand why love isn't a chase, but a shared journey.

Pay close attention as we decode the crucial stages of a relationship that mirror the changing seasons. The bloom of spring and the warmth of summer symbolize the early phases of exploration and infatuation. However, the shift towards autumn and winter is where the true test lies - revealing personality traits, financial habits, family values, and conflict resolution strategies. From discussing the significance of choosing a worthy spouse to highlighting the importance of intentional dating, we cover it all. As an added bonus, we'll introduce you to Dax's song "To Be a Man" that beautifully encapsulates these principles. Get ready to rethink dating and make more informed decisions about your life partner!

Speaker 1:

16 seasons. Second episode, from behind the chair, I'm gonna talk about 16 seasons. And why is it essential to wait 16 seasons before getting married? Basically, four years, courtship for four years. If you think about it, four years is equivalent to getting an undergrad degree, right? Get your bachelor's. And for those that have never been to college and has no interest in college, basically what I'm saying anything worth having has some measure of committed time. You grow some type of attachment to it if it has some value, right. So the seasons I'm gonna talk about are basically our everyday seasons, right? Winter, spring, summer, fall. But I'm gonna do it in reverse and I'm gonna explain to you why I'm gonna do it in reverse. Basically, we're gonna talk about the spring, the summer, the fall and the winter.

Speaker 1:

Your spring season, when you're dating, is basically your sprung on infatuation, right? The whole engagement is new. Everything's new and exciting. You're exploring each other. It's your exploratory phase. You're finding out what each other likes. You're not finding about the dislikes yet, because it's fun and it's new, so you don't really go into that phase yet. The summer season your interaction is hot and heavy because you passed infatuation stage in your exploratory phase. Now the relationship is built on familiarity. You're establishing that You're familiar with each other Spring and summer. That's what that does.

Speaker 1:

Now, when a fall starts to kick in, things begin to cool down, because the veil of bliss falls away. It's gone right. Now you start to see in the fall, their personality traits, their family values, their personal goals, financial tendencies and habits begin to surface. This is the actual start of the discovery if they're a suitable mate or not. This is when you really wanna start paying attention. This is the beginning. Now, when the winter phase hits, or the season, everything has completely died down Spring, summer, fall. Now we're in winter. All of that's died down. Now you're gonna see how they handle tough times. Do they have a victim mentality? Do they take accountability for the words and their actions? Do they lash out when being confronted on something they did or they did not do? Do they have conflict resolution? Can they come to you and say I'm sorry? This is what you wanna pay attention to.

Speaker 1:

In my personal opinion and experience, you find out the true nature of a person when times are tough, and I mean tough. The winter is cold, it's unforgiving, it's bone chilling. You find out what they're made of. You already know what you're made of. You will. You should anyway, if you've gone through enough winters. So this is why I say 16 seasons is necessary for you to go through them, most importantly the fall and the winter, because everybody loves good times. But what happens when a good time's gone and the tough times roll in? You gotta find out who's your teammate. You gotta find out who's your partner. You gotta find out who's in your corner. Okay, now, here's a note I'm gonna leave you with. You can make a mental note or you can write it down.

Speaker 1:

What I am saying is pretty much just a guide. I mentor a lot of young men, okay, and I have sons as well, and this is pretty much what I'm teaching. This is what I believe in. You don't have to like it or you can like it. You could basically customize it to your wants and your needs. I'm fine with that, but my goal is to empower you with some knowledge on how to approach dating. See, this day in time, this dating age, okay.

Speaker 1:

So when you meet someone, you definitely wanna go all through the seasons. You definitely wanna do that. Okay Now, it may not take you four years, it may happen in an hour or half an hour, but you wanna be mindful and you wanna pay attention to the seasons Because they're gonna show you who they are before they tell you who they are, okay, so here's the breakdown of what I just said. Your first two seasons, spring and summer. You're strong because it's new and you're infatuated and you're exploring each other. You're exploring each other's good side, right? And just about everything you do is hot and heavy the interaction. It's sizzling hot, just like the summer. The following two years are your fall and winter. You begin to see who they are.

Speaker 1:

Now, speaking from a male point of view, like I said, I have sons and I mentor a lot of young men. I firmly believe a young man needs to wait at least four years while he's dating Okay, before he decides to marry a young lady. I firmly believe that. And two simple but factual reasons I'm gonna give you and hopefully it resonates with you. The first one is you need to make sure she's worthy of your last name. You receive your last name through birthright, so it's your responsibility and sure you don't bring shame to it, right? So you got to make sure that whoever you choose to give your last name to, they're worthy of it. And with a woman. If you think about it, no woman can be married without receiving a last name from her husband. Make sense. The second reason, and to me the most important one, is you got to make sure she's a suitable mother for your future children, if you choose to have children. I understand some of you guys don't want kids, but you want to make sure she has that motherly instinct. So, in saying that you need to know, or understand, more importantly, no woman can conceive a human child without a man's help. So those are your two most powerful assets. So, now that you know your assets, are you just going to give them away freely? I wouldn't make sense, so don't you?

Speaker 1:

In closing, here are my thoughts that I want to leave you with. Make it short and sweet. Go with the girl who wants to go with you, because if you go with the girl that you're chasing after, you're always going to have to continue to chase her. You're going to always have to prove your readiness. You're going to always have to do something to show her that you're about her. That's a lot of defense.

Speaker 1:

See, when you go with the girl that wants to go with you, you're on complete offense. You're absolutely providing. You're getting after it, because you know what you got at home. You know the value that she brings to your last name. You know the instincts that she has, the motherly instincts, so she can nurture and take care. So all your balls out offense make sense. So you want to spend time with the person that's going to give you unconditional love, not conditional love based on your traits. Life is already short enough, so don't make it any shorter dealing with someone who doesn't fulfill those traits. So you want to remember what I'm telling you you're the prize. You got two assets right off the rib Boom. So make sure you protect your assets Because in this world and during this time, it is a sad fact. It's a fact that a man's worthiness is based on his ability to provide and protect and cultivate his home. So in that case it is absolutely necessary you make sure that who you choose to create a home with, they bring that value. They're valuable, they can protect your last name, they can nurture and cultivate the home.

Speaker 1:

And in saying that, it makes me think about a song that I was introduced to about a day or so ago, and basically the title of the song is To Be a man, by Dax, featuring Dearest Worker. And let me tell you, when I listen to this song, man, it hit home. So to my listeners, when you get an opportunity, listen to this song. It's called To Be a man, by Dax featuring Dearest Worker, and on that note I'm out. I hope you enjoyed the podcast. Basically, this is my theme, short and sweet. If you want to get in contact with me, feel free to reach out 843-579-8737 or email me, cfw at thestagpatbarbershopcom, and I'll get back in touch with you. Be well and I'm out.